Sunday, August 10, 2008

Reasons why Detroit is better

Someone is running little ads in the weeklies advertising Atlanta relocation packages. Seeing them makes me just about choke. I lost a close friend to that mess who moans every day about having to live there.

1) Michigan may have problems, but it does have water. Did you see the Georgia governor praying to Jesus for rain? No thanks.

2) If you think Metro Detroit sprawls more than other American cities, you need to get out more. I seriously don't know what it is about Detroiters that makes them so eager to self-flagellate before doing their due diligence. The Atlanta metro, end-to-end, is not only more than 30 miles (that's Detroit-Pontiac, btw) tall/wide, it is also more congested.

3) Atlanta is like Los Angeles, without the charm. Did I mention it is nowhere near any water?

4) Atlanta is not cheap. The median house price in Wayne County is somewhere around $28,000 these days vs. Fulton County's $218K. Okay, jobs, fine. But you'll live to pay your mortgage. In Atlanta.

5) If you think Atlanta has all its ducks in a row, there's a simple cure for what ails you: Head west of Northside Drive downtown, say, between MLK and North Avenue. Looks pretty familiar to me, and not in the fuzzy, aww, it's just like home kind of way. Also see: Foreclosure crisis. Again, familiar, but not in the fun way.

6) Atlanta is in a strange competition with the rest of the United States, except nobody outside of Atlanta knows this. This constant need to be perceived as smarter and more important than other places is bewildering and tiresome. If you want smug/insecure, go to Toronto. It's only a day trip.

7) Detroit was built to be beautiful. Atlanta was built.

8) Believe it or not, Detroit has the better downtown. Detroit's may be less congested, but it is more attractive by miles. Also, even if the work's just started, what's there now blows dull, workaday, grotty, pointless Downtown Atlanta out of the water. Water it doesn't have, did I mention that.

More reasons the next time I see one of those ads.

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