Friday, November 14, 2008

Blow it all up!

With all the focus on what's wrong with Detroit these days (and all the company we seem to be getting lately as the world is all suddenly Googling things like "Detroit sucks," "Detroit bailout" and "blow up Detroit,") it seems like a good time to remind visitors a) just how hard Detroit sucks and b) what it is they will be blowing up. First off, we can all agree that it's time to do away with the Diego Rivera murals at the Detroit Institute of Arts, pictured above. Bon weekend!

Next, we'd move downtown, where we'd blow up all this useless crap. Save extra dynamite for the Guardian building (left)...

...really - who needs this? Blow it up and plant trees!

This too. It's just Cass Gilbert's Scott Fountain, one of the many things to love about Belle Isle, an Olmsted-designed island park in the Detroit River. But sure, what the hell - sink that shit.

Detroiters often ask themselves: Why is the Eastern Market historic district still there? Do we need to ask Congress for dynamite as well? Embarrassing!

How many times do we have to tell the people in these east side buildings: Nobody lives in Detroit anymore!

Why not blow up the crepe lady too? She won't mind!

Or our many delightful bars?

We won't need hotels when Detroit is blown up, so this one's gone.

Woodward Avenue? If you don't like it, it's gone.

For more things that can be blown up, check out the "Best Detroit Ever" link list to your right. When we come back to work on Monday, that shit is so on our list.

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