Thursday, November 13, 2008

Stand by for torch-wielding mob

Dumping on Detroit has always been something people do to make themselves feel better about the shitty places they live in. Suddenly, though, making merde all over the Motor City has become downright fashionable. You can't log on, tune in (or pick up one of those newspaper things your crazy old aunt likes to read) without hearing that the auto industry must DIE, DIE, DIE, and also, fuck Detroit.

Most of the commentary isn't too far off base - bailouts always go so very well, and really, city council just begs to be punished for their latest stunt. This town doesn't need more money, unless it's spent on teaching 50 percent of the adult population how to read and write.

Anyway, down in the Lower 47, folks appear to be getting pissed, whether we're talking the pages of the Wall Street Journal, or the comment section of, oh, about 2,626,001 blogs.

But wait - that's not all! (This is Detroit - it's never all.)

This week, we also have the latest brand extension book from Today Show travel editor, Peter Greenberg. Because Grandpa is at this point, like, almost older than the Fisher Building, Greenberg thought a clever title for a book about the world's must-miss places would be "Don't Go There." That might have been funny in 1992. It's just annoying now.

You can guess where this is headed: Detroit sucks. Oh, how it sucks. The horriblest of the horrible. Murder, mayhem, pollution. The usual bitchery. Pussies.

The worst of the whining takes place in a chapter entitled: "Dangerous Destinations: You'd Better Pack More Than Samsonite." This is essentially a chapter-long PSA reminding you that black people are scary, and please avoid. Seriously - Detroit, St. Louis, Oakland, Gary, Newark, Birmingham? Don't go there!

Question for Peter Greenberg! Yes, Peter, hi - long time listener, first time caller: Why do you hate black America?

Offering proof that most travel writers now pull their stories and books together via research on the internet, readers are warned off two specific Detroit neighborhoods.

First off, how do you choose just two? Secondly, we learn with some interest that while dangerous and to be avoided for now, these once middle-class areas are bouncing back after years of decline.

This will no doubt come as welcome news to the 10 people that still live in Brightmoor and North End.

No comments: