Thursday, December 25, 2008

Time for presents

Times are tough, things are hard, here's your f*cking Christmas card. Presents, also. Albeit in link form.

The BBC has a Detroit bureau. Were you aware? We were not aware. Anyway, Detroit may not pull through this time, according to the Detroit bureau of the Beeb. The British, always killing us with the cheerfulness.

Los Angeles Times says "Gran Torino" will answer all your questions as to why Detroit blows. Enjoy the show!

Not everyone hates Detroit and wants to leave; just ask the Iraqis trying to get in. (So many very many jokes.) Anyway, State Department says it is enough already, because Lansing said so. Or something. It's all in US News & World Report.

Again with the Los Angeles Times, which hasn't been able to accurately/helpfully cover its own city and local industry and as a result, is collapsing under the weight of its own uselessness, but boy, do they have all the answers when it comes to Detroit! Grumpy editorial piece here, that about ten people will read and ignore.

Rochelle Riley makes herself useful and gets on the wagon to address one of the most important issues facing Detroit: Abandoned buildings of no real value that are not being torn down. Seriously? If Cockrel, bless his nerd heart, can't get this done, he should step aside for someone who can. Detroit won't move forward until it stops looking like somebody just bombed it. Prairie is better than ruins. (What's that about more Iraqis dying to get in, now?)

Lincoln Park gets its own, mini-bailout.

Speaking of white people, remember the good old days, when hordes of them mobbed downtown for shopping purposes? The Freep has sexy pics. Someone oughta harness the local appetite for nostalgia and turn it into a successful business. Kind of like this.

On the lighter side of the news, did you know that the city is so hard up, we have been stealing water from Canada? Headlines we'll see in '09: Ottawa declares war, Detroiters greet Canadians as liberators, rejoice as bombs take out Mack Avenue between Russell and Alter (plus countless other blighted strips in the city). Pingree Potato Patches/Georgia Street Community Gardens for everyone!

Now, back to your previously scheduled egg nog.

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