Mayor Jim Fouts, up there in Warrenland, wants to treat Sen. Richard Shelby (R-AL) to an all expenses paid Detroit vacation, simply because the lawmaker has trashed the region rather publicly. This raises an interesting question: If we trash The Maldives very publicly, will we get a free trip? (Hey Maldives! Sink already, you bastards!)
Anyway. Sen. Shelby has engaged in this rather unstatesman-like/politically advantageous behavior for a whole bunch of reasons. The status quo explanation was that he was trying to give a leg up to foreign automakers operating in his own state. However, because we are nothing but trouble over here, we like to think it is mostly down to the fact that white people from the Deep South never miss an opportunity to engage in their most favoritest occupation - talk down to/screw over black people.
To be fair, when an outsider is calling Detroit lazy and inefficient, you might give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, look at this dump. Except when it's a pompous white guy from the south. These dudes get so into it, you're almost embarrassed for them.
Enough trying to read the man's mind, though. Frankly, Fouts' invite should have been extended a long time ago, but that doesn't mean it's not still a fantastic idea. Hizzoner wants Shelby to tour the Chrysler truck plant and "see how autoworkers do their jobs."
Some notes as Fouts prepares the potential itinerary:
One, do it in the dark. Nobody needs to see Warren in daylight, or without a bag over its head. Two, let's not get crazy supporting Warren businesses here, or anything. We're thinking a sprawling suite at the Book Cadillac for the Senator. Show the SOB that Detroit can run a better hotel than exists in the big city of his own state, Birmingham. Talk about a crap town, sheesh.
UPDATE: Could this Shelby thing be gaining traction? The Senator's colleague from Tennessee, Bob Corker, made it through a day at the auto show without incident. Not only that, he said he hoped to be invited back. Invited? Since when did Detroit become a private club?