Tuesday, February 17, 2009

7 Days Of Detroitmas

You know you have been hanging around this neck of the woods for too long when you feel guilty for being somewhere normal and having a good time. Sad to say, Los Angeles was just swell. Rains and cool temperatures have turned the place into a rainforest - at least by local standards. In Michigan, meanwhile, the Prelude to Spring is over, it seems. Rather than think about winter, let's look at what's happened around here in the past week or so.

1) GM is going back to the begging trough. Cue Southern-fried outrage. This time, though, they (and Chrysler) have got a plan. (Oh, good!)

2) Dave Bing has not lived in Detroit for years. Frankly, this may be the ultimate qualification for the job. After all, to fix a problem, first you have to understand what exactly is wrong, something that becomes difficult when you don't get out much.

3) Then again, the Freep wants Warren Evans, so, you know, we can get tough on crime. Guess it's never too late to try that angle - solve one of the biggest problems the city faces. (RADICAL THINKING ALERT!)

4) Speaking of...Metro Detroiters that feel small, insignificant and sad have lately taken to beating up on old people who cannot defend themselves. How fucking cute is that.

5) Newly-minted Ed. Sec. Arne Duncan "extraordinarily concerned" about the state of the Detroit Public Schools. And Newt said the Dems would never admit it.

6) Self-appointed coolness expert Richard Florida says Detroit is going to die, and also, buy my book. Dude needs to straighten himself out. Rising or Not Rising, Dick?

7) We suspect the latter; so does Cindy Warner. Then again, as many have said before, the fact that her other business ventures have ended badly was what you call "foreshadowing." (Look it up!) Ta, Zaccaro's, maybe probably. Surely, the Seattle-based landlord must be buried in offers to fill the space, which of course, as we all know, was/is the primest, awesomest corner in all of Detroitdom.

8) Councilwomanperson Watson has an "Urban Agenda." Sounds gritty. But it has all the answers, you see. Save us, Miss JoAnn!

9) The Mercado in Mexicantown: FAIL. There's $17 million that went nowhere. Detroit, say hello to your newest abandoned building! Over under on first act of desecration? Maybe the ladies in the Michigan Welcome Center can take turns doing patrol duty.

10) Here's one business that's not closing in Detroit. Not sure you can actually call it the Eastern Market without Russell Street, so that's good news.

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