Friday, April 10, 2009

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

Final Four success, check; another great Opening Day, check; Obama sees "glimmers of hope" in the economy...wow, everything's awesome! Or not:

BECAUSE SOMETIMES, DRIVE-BY JOURNALISM IS SAFER Good Lord, did you hear about the two Dutch reporters that got carjacked? Turns out, stomping around the Brewster-Douglass projects for the purposes of research can be hazardous.

ROCHELLE, ROCHELLE Hey, so when did Freep columnist Riley suddenly become the person yelling at Detroit to wake the fuck up? More, please.

COBO ONLY ALMOST DEAD Izzy Torres loves Detroit, so he killed the white peoples dreams of taking Cobo away from Detroiters. Ken Cockrel now on his way to the Court of Appeals, with klansperson gubernatorial candidate Brooks Patterson cheering from sidelines. Councilwoman Watson had best call a Very Special sing-a-long, like, now. Oh wait, she is busy bailing her son out of jail.

DAMN "CHICAGOANS" At least these nice people from Grand Blanc can't blame "Detroiters" for being pickpocketed last week.

HUNDREDS MORE STARBUCKS TO CLOSE Will Detroit get to keep its last storefront location at Mack + Woodward (just one of 4 in the entire city?) The suspense, it is killing us not really.

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