Shari'a law, as we know, has taken over Dearborn. This latest rash of armed robberies -- not really armed robberies, you know. This was just people being executed for not following the rules. Right? Wasn't it? I don't know! WE NEED TO BE ASKING THESE QUESTIONS.
Proof that Americans have at long last completely parted ways with reality, we have these politicians around the country using little old Dearborn, which they've never seen, as an example of why we must now take action. To stop what happened in Dearborn from happening anywhere else. Stuff like this. Now that's an example of a very funny joke. (Except that it's not a joke. An elected official in Texas is wasting taxpayer time chasing ghosts.)
What happened? Kids whose families moved here from the Middle East get taught to be proud of their heritage? Pork got taken off the school lunch menu? Jesus, the horror. What, are observant Jews now terrorists, too?
The only crime against America that Dearborn has committed, as I see it, is that none of the other restaurants there are quite as good as the shuttered Michigan Avenue La Shish location. I mean, now that was some fucking great bread and hummus. If keeping that place open meant letting the terrorists win, then dammit, I retroactively surrender. Come home, Talal -- all is forgiven. (No wait. Probably don't.)
UPDATE 4/20: Shocking photographic evidence of Dearborn's descent into Shari'a hell, documented by the fearless, Jesus-and-America-loving Jeff Wattrick.